BOY HITS PUBERTY!

[BGmusic: Older Chests by Damien Rice]

Quote for the day:

“Kung ‘di na kaya ng sariling lakas o kakayahan, idaan nalang sa fighting spirit.”

- my sister’s guy friend Leo F.

“…At kape.”

- my sister

Recently, one of the boys nearest and dearest to my heart – let’s call him Juan – told me about his peelings for a certain someone of the opposite sex – let’s call the apple of his eye Apple.  I was both shocked and elated because:

• I had pegged Juan as one of those guys who just doesn’t have crushes [i.e. he's not entirely human]. Like, whenever friends of mine would ask me who he likes [sabay kindat], I’d be all, “Meh, don’t bother, Juan hasn’t liked anyone since the beginning of time. That boy will probably die an old maid.”
• He told me who his secret crush is! Woohoo!

Juan’s stories are really cute because it’s like he just discovered that girls aren’t just boys with curvy bits.  He went through the whole “I’ve never felt this way before” speech yesterday, and I doubled up with laughter when he said:

“Why are you girls so cool?!”

Hilarious stuff.

I didn’t tell Juan this because I didn’t want to interrupt his schoolgirl gushing, but it’s prrrobably because when we girls were having all those weird crushes for the first time, you [read: clueless] guys were making puberty ten times more miserable by snapping our bras and poking fun at the bodies we had yet to grow into. Call it bad karma, but really, you reap what you sow.  *enter smug laughter*

Anyway, why am I blogging about this in the first place?  Awhile ago something… magical happened to my friend.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.  Let’s start from the beginning.

Ehem ehem ehem.

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Juan and His New Textmate

It is a Friday afternoon, and boy, is Juan in a grrrreat mood.  The week had been good to him.  He had seen Apple a couple of times, and although both times he was too scared to look her in the eye, it didn’t stop him from feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.

His phone beeps.  It is a text from his Mandarin [not the actual subject] professor:

Prof Mandarin: “Have you contacted Apple yet?”

Juan thinks, “How the heck did sir find out about Apple?”  He ponders on this for about five seconds, but because of the puppy love overflowing inside him, he was bursting to talk to someone [ANYONE!!!] about his crush on Apple.  Soooo he suddenly finds himself talking about his crush to his Mandarin professor.

Juan: “Yes sir, actually I got to talk to her last Saturday, and we sat next to each other in mass, and I got to hold her hand, and we had a magical moment!” [I'm not making this stuff up, he actually did text that "magical moment" part.]

Something bothers Juan.  He feels that there is something wrong, but he can’t say exactly what that something is.  Then his Mandarin professor replies…

Prof Mandarin: “Haha. That’s cool. Tapos anong nangyari?”

Juan thinks, “There’s definitely something wrong about this scenario.” He stops walking and, clutching his cell phone in his trembling hands, it dawns on him.

What dawns on him: his professor was talking about an entirely different Apple!!! His professor was talking about Granny Smith Apple, not Golden Delicious Apple!  He was supposed to talk to Apple - not Apple - about class stuff just awhile ago.  His professor did not know about, and therefore did not want to talk about his Apple and/or his crush on her.

He quickly texts an apology to his professor explaining the awkward situation, and spends the rest of the day cradling his head in his hands and bursting into random fits of scream-into-your-pillow rage.

The End.

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Awhile ago, he was flailing his arms all over the place and laughing like a madman, then to no-one in particular, said, “I wanna blog about this… But wait, I don’t have a blog! *manic laughter*“

So I said I’d do it for him. Because I wanted him to stop before he broke something.

And that’s why I’m here right now, blogging about someone else’s love crush life.

It’s not the first time that I’ve had a guy talk to me about peelings and stuff: my boyspacefriends usually talk about flirting techniques and together, we plan out dating strategems [because behind every good date is a girl (or even an army of girls) telling him what to do].  If any of you are looking for the source of my cynicism towards dating, etc., you can place some of the blame on them. [Hai gais! ]

So because most of my guy friends are like pros already, Juan’s late introduction to puberty was refreshing.  Nice to know I’m not the only goofball in the world.

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