Cris Mendez
March 7, 1987 - August 27, 2007
Hazing Victim
UP Student-Led Anti-Fraternity Violence Watch (SAWA)

Please post in your Multiply accounts, blogs, etc. Show your friends that you are against all forms of fraternity-related violence. End the culture of tolerance! Ipakita mong sawa ka na!!!

(Picture from SAWA e-group c/o LSG President Jobert Navallo)

[BGmusic: Older Chests by Damien Rice]

Quote for the day:

“Kung ‘di na kaya ng sariling lakas o kakayahan, idaan nalang sa fighting spirit.”

- my sister’s guy friend Leo F.

“…At kape.”

- my sister

Recently, one of the boys nearest and dearest to my heart - let’s call him Juan - told me about his peelings for a certain someone of the opposite sex - let’s call the apple of his eye Apple.  I was both shocked and elated because:

• I had pegged Juan as one of those guys who just doesn’t have crushes [i.e. he's not entirely human]. Like, whenever friends of mine would ask me who he likes [sabay kindat], I’d be all, “Meh, don’t bother, Juan hasn’t liked anyone since the beginning of time. That boy will probably die an old maid.”
• He told me who his secret crush is! Woohoo!

Juan’s stories are really cute because it’s like he just discovered that girls aren’t just boys with curvy bits.  He went through the whole “I’ve never felt this way before” speech yesterday, and I doubled up with laughter when he said:

“Why are you girls so cool?!”

Hilarious stuff.

I didn’t tell Juan this because I didn’t want to interrupt his schoolgirl gushing, but it’s prrrobably because when we girls were having all those weird crushes for the first time, you [read: clueless] guys were making puberty ten times more miserable by snapping our bras and poking fun at the bodies we had yet to grow into. Call it bad karma, but really, you reap what you sow.  *enter smug laughter*

Anyway, why am I blogging about this in the first place?  Awhile ago something… magical happened to my friend.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.  Let’s start from the beginning.

Ehem ehem ehem.

Juan and His New Textmate

It is a Friday afternoon, and boy, is Juan in a grrrreat mood.  The week had been good to him.  He had seen Apple a couple of times, and although both times he was too scared to look her in the eye, it didn’t stop him from feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.

His phone beeps.  It is a text from his Mandarin [not the actual subject] professor:

Prof Mandarin: “Have you contacted Apple yet?”

Juan thinks, “How the heck did sir find out about Apple?”  He ponders on this for about five seconds, but because of the puppy love overflowing inside him, he was bursting to talk to someone [ANYONE!!!] about his crush on Apple.  Soooo he suddenly finds himself talking about his crush to his Mandarin professor.

Juan: “Yes sir, actually I got to talk to her last Saturday, and we sat next to each other in mass, and I got to hold her hand, and we had a magical moment!” [I'm not making this stuff up, he actually did text that "magical moment" part.]

Something bothers Juan.  He feels that there is something wrong, but he can’t say exactly what that something is.  Then his Mandarin professor replies…

Prof Mandarin: “Haha. That’s cool. Tapos anong nangyari?”

Juan thinks, “There’s definitely something wrong about this scenario.” He stops walking and, clutching his cell phone in his trembling hands, it dawns on him.

What dawns on him: his professor was talking about an entirely different Apple!!! His professor was talking about Granny Smith Apple, not Golden Delicious Apple!  He was supposed to talk to Apple - not Apple - about class stuff just awhile ago.  His professor did not know about, and therefore did not want to talk about his Apple and/or his crush on her.

He quickly texts an apology to his professor explaining the awkward situation, and spends the rest of the day cradling his head in his hands and bursting into random fits of scream-into-your-pillow rage.

The End.

So I said I’d do it for him. Because I wanted him to stop before he broke something.

And that’s why I’m here right now, blogging about someone else’s love crush life.

It’s not the first time that I’ve had a guy talk to me about peelings and stuff: my boyspacefriends usually talk about flirting techniques and together, we plan out dating strategems [because behind every good date is a girl (or even an army of girls) telling him what to do].  If any of you are looking for the source of my cynicism towards dating, etc., you can place some of the blame on them. [Hai gais! ;)]

So because most of my guy friends are like pros already, Juan’s late introduction to puberty was refreshing.  Nice to know I’m not the only goofball in the world.

[BGmusic: My Time With You by David Choi (♥) and Kina Grannis (love this song sooo much - it's on loop)]

Quote for the day:

“I was like never like this to a girl before. Interested not with the sexy look [LOL!!!!], but with the sense of what we talk to.“

- *SAMWAN*’s secret admirer
is not so secret anymore heehee.
[Bold-ing mine.]

So awhile ago, I ran into this boy that I had totally forgotten about.

[EDIT] But before everything else… PANIC AT THE DISCO!

Pic by my sister, who recently discovered that her camera had this function that lets her take theatre pictures without having the lights bleed together. Neat, eh?

‘Twas a latta fun. Not the best concert I’ve ever been to but fun nonetheless. [/EDIT]

Anyway, back to my story about running into a boy I had forgotten about. Our “history” - if you can call it that - is actually pretty interesting. Well… interesting for me. To make the short [but interesting] story even shorter, I used to hate this guy’s guts [I won't tell you why because some people might figure out who he is from that], but I ended up working with him and eventually found out that he was really, really nice. And you guys know how I like nice boys [if you don't, now you do].

*smiles*

First thoughts:

1. “OH WAW I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THIS BOY!!”
2. “OH CRAP I LOOK LIKE A BOY!” [I wasn't looking too attractive today. Let's just say that my morning didn't start on the best side of the kitchen sink.]

But he didn’t seem to mind, and actually looked pretty pleased to see me.

*smiles*

The wishful thinking beginneth.

Him: “Hi!”

Me: “Oh my gosh!”

Him: “How are you?”
My analysis: “Wow! You look great with your hair all unkempt like that!”
What he really meant: “How are you?”

[Here he grabs my hand and swings it a little, which immediately gets me all kerflummoxed, as can be seen by my answer to his question:]

Me: “Oh my gosh! How are you?! Oh my gosh!”

Him: *laughs* “I never get to see you anymore! What electives are you taking?”
My analysis: “Oh man, I missed you. You don’t like me anymore?”
What he really meant: “I never get to see you anymore! What electives are you taking?”

Me: “Um I’m taking 141…”

[And here we compare economics classes and how sucky they are.]

Me: “…And most of my electives are in AS or KAL.”

Him: “Ahh… so that’s why I never see you.
“My analysis: “Ahhh… so that’s where I’m going to hang around now.”
What he really meant: “Ahh… so that’s why I never see you.”

Me: “Yeah.” *smile* “Ihavetogodosomeresearchnowbye.”

Him: “Okay! See you around!”
My analysis: “Oh! My darling! Seeing you made my day, I hope it’ll happen again!”
What he really meant: “Okay! See you around!”

[We high five, then I quickly run up the stairs suppressing a girly squeal.]

Ah, overanalysis. ‘Tis fun. Ridiculous, but fun.

It’s great that I can blog about this particular boy because he’s not on my multiply, friendster, or facebook, and that makes this post somewhat “safe” for public consumption. Hooray!

But yeah, don’t take any of that *looks up* seriously. *sings* It’s just a little crush, not like I faint every time we touch. Nothing serious. I mean, come on, I forgot about the guy’s existence and he had to make his presence felt to remind me that - oh yeah - I think he’s a nice boy ;).

[BGmusic: Behind the Sea by Panic at the Disco]

Quote for the day:

“I know it’s sad, but I never gave a damn about the weather, and it never gave a damn about me.”

- Panic at the Disco, Do You Know What I’m Seeing?

Awhile ago I missed my Comparative Literature class.  My first absence in the semester.  For that class.

I didn’t do it on purpose.  I swear I didn’t.

This is what happened.  I got some posters printed out at the Shopping Center.  It took a little longer than I wanted it to because the printer, you know, just wanted to make my life a little more interesting and refused to work.  Then when I was walking to Vinzon’s, where I was going to put up the posters, it started to rain.

First it was just a couple of droplets on my nose and shoulders.  It was like that for about five seconds.  Then it started to pour.  POUR.

I actually enjoy walking in the rain, but remember that I had freshly printed posters with me.  I tried shoving them in my shirt but because I was quickly getting drenched, I decided to take shelter under the nearest shade.  Which happened to be in front of the Computer Center.

I sat down.  Hoped for some friend-with-a-car to come by and save my arse.  No-one did, but I wasn’t too disappointed, because no-one ever comes when you really need them.  So I sat there, all wet and sad, with only the rain and my memories to keep me company *enter Air Supply*.

Before I knew it, it was 1:45, and I had missed my 1 o’clock class.

I was pissed.  For me neglecting to check if I had an umbrella on me [turns out I left it at the tambayan - typical].  For the rain for its perfect timing and for being so… enthusiastic.

But yeah, it was only a matter of time before I got myself stuck in the rain.  It happens every sem:

1. Last semester: I slipped and fell on my butt right in the entrance of *I-won’t-say-which-college-building-because-the-memory-is-too-painful*, then my umbrella turned inside-out in the relentless wind.  Walked to the School of Economics looking like a right turd.
2. Last last semester: I was walking from the College of Mass Communications to the School of Economics [to those of you who aren't from UP, those colleges are somekinda far away from each other, but because I like walking, I walked], and it started raining somewhere in the middle.  I took shelter in that building beside the College of Engineering [forgot the name], then when I couldn’t take it anymore because I was going to be late for my class, I ran for it.  Again, I was drenched, and to make it even worse, my class was air-conditioned. Yay me.
3. Last last last semester: I don’t remember anything from my second year because getting wet in the rain was no big deal as I was dorming back then [because I could easily change clothes].
4. Freshman year: Ah, freshman year… *sigh* …I had just come from the ADMU vs UP basketball game [we lost - haha] and it was raining water buffaloes.  Our flimsy foldaway umbrellas could’t put up a fight.  I then turned to the guys I went with [we weren't that close at the time but we're pretty good friends now I MISS YOU GUYS!!!] then suggested that we make a run for the dorm [we were near Vinzon's Hall, and we were staying at Kalayaan at the time].  Johnson was game, but Rinno had new shoes or something and didn’t want them to get ruined. And Janro just didn’t want to get wet [and even stole my umbrella, so I got wet and he stayed *somewhat* dry].

Anyway, nagkwento lang ako.

The moral of the story is:

• You can’t control the weather [among many other things], and all we can do is deal with it.
• And always bring an umbrella.

The end.

[BGmusic: Leaving This Feeling by her awesomeness, JJ Liao!!!!]

Quote for the day:

“I’m gonna be a soldier and drink coffee!!!”

- Seij [age 4] shares his mission statement to the world

“You’re gonna be a soldier too?”

- Seij recruiting me after I repeated what he said to my brother

Because I’m lazy and my brain’s hardly functioning, I browsed through my journal to find something to write about. [I started journaling again recently, cause my mom got me one of those cool notebooks with black paper, the kind that goes with pastel gel pens.]

So here’s what I got:

Lucy [not her real name] has a boypren?!?!?!

I wrote about this July 9. It was a Wednesday. And I quote:

Awhile ago I found out that Lucy Lastname (now 14) got herself a boyfriend. Tita Sushi [not her real name] was upset, as mothers often are when they find out that their babies have been having… er… “romantic relations” with a <gasp> boy/girl/whatever.

I didn’t want to tut-tut, so I defended Lucy and told my mom that it was probably peer pressure… [then I ramble on for a bit]

My mom said, “Pero normal din naman yan sa school mo nun.”

ME: “I’m special.”

… [rambling about how special I am - you don't really want to read this do you?]…

But yeah, I was disturbed. Because to me, Lucy will always be my 6-year-old neighbour and it’s weird to think that she got one of them boyfriends before I did. It’s just not right.

Warning: sabawness ahead.

Lucy has a boypren!!!! AMBALIBABOL!!! I’m gonna grow up to be a spinster!!!!!!!! And drink coffee!!! Olrayt!!

I need cats. Lots and lots of cats.

And a rifle.

An eyepatch would be cool as well.

.

.

.

NO!

Kennat be!

Hindi ako magiging old maid! HIN-DEH!

Dahil…

Dahil…

Dahil malapit na ang August!

This is it pansit!

[Sorry, inside joke. Sa mga nakakagets nito, I LOVE YOU!!! Sa mga hindi, sige kunwari gets din ninyo para the more the meniyer.]

…love in every language. - Jars of Clay

Cause hate just won’t cut it.

I can’t cause I’m still learning how [and I tell you, I'm a slooow learner]…

But by golly, that won’t stop me from trying.

.

.

.

THIS IS MADEMONESS!!!

THIS IS TRUTH THURSDAY!!!

CLICK THE LINK!

[BGmusic: My Girl by David Choi]

Quote for the day:

“What is invisible cannot be seen by the eye.”

- UP freshman misquoting The Little Prince

Check out my internet crush David Choi’s YouTube page! See that awesome banner on top of his page? I MADE THAT! Oh yeah. Oh yeah. *dances* That made my day. [I haven't been YouTubing recently so I just saw it awhile ago, have no idea how long it's been up there.]

Anyway, enough about that. Here’s a quick story.

Last night the whole clan [dad's side], or at least those who were in Manila, had a little get-together at Greenbelt. I hate commuting from UP to faraway places like… Makati, but that’s another story.

Anyhoo, I was telling my sister about how sucky [yes, sucky] it was that many of my friends call me emo just to annoy me when I’m obviously, like, GANGSTA. [They be hatin'.]

Then, to explain my emophobia, she said:

“It’s because you’re sandwiched between two of us.” [Referring to herself and our brother - I'm the middle child.]

Me: “Josh isn’t emo-”

Here I turned around to take a look at my beloved brother [who was sitting at a separate table because we couldn't fit the whole clan in just one long table]… and this is what I saw:

Me: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” [Yes I really yelled that in a restaurant. It was noisy anyhoo.]

[Actually, what I really said was: "Josh isn't- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"]

And get this, he even had his guitar with him.

Brace yourselves people. The end is near.

…

*The first UAAP basketball game’s tomorrow! Fighting Maroons, I will always be proud of you, but make me prouder. Please.*

[BGmusic: Fascination by Alphabeat]

Quote for the day:

“The past is beautiful because one never fully realizes an emotion at the time.  It expands later, and thus we don’t have complete emotions about the present, only about the past.  That is why we dwell on the past.”

- Virginia Woolf

Man. Nothing makes sense right now.

But it will.  Hooray for that. ^_^

[I love that thing John does with his guitar at 1:37. And George at 3:20. Awesome.]

[BGmusic: Thinking Out Loud by Emiliana Torrini]

Quote for the day:

“You should be pleased, that’s direct transfer of learning.”

- Sir Juanico of Geog105 [Economic Geography],
on his spittle landing on unfortunate
people sitting in the front row

*kwento engaged*

So awhile ago, I was hanging out at one of my orgs’ tambayans, waiting for 12:45 to come, when my friend turned to talk to me and told me that someone asked her if she knew me.

I know what you’re thinking: whoa someone asked about you, big deal.  I know, it’s not.  Hello. But if she felt the need to share that with me I knew that it must have been more than just that. So naturally, I pried. Ahem.

She went on to say that *the-person-who-asked* had a friend who courted me and… erm… to put it bluntly, crashed and burned.

WHOA! Juicy! But wait there’s more!

Then *the-person-who-asked* asked my friend, “Maganda ba siya?”

Of course, my friend said yes.  Ehem.

*end kwento*

INITIAL REACTION: Smugness.

• Waw I’m famous! People from other colleges are talking about me! Whoa!
• I still have friends who aren’t embarrassed to own up to being my friend and can attest to my… er… good-lookingness [yes!] without batting an eyelash.

So I went off to my class feeling pretty pleased with myself.  Until I started digesting this whatever-you-call-it.

AFTER DIGESTION THERE WAS: Poop Worry

• That boy [because it could only be that boy] courted me when we were freshmen.  FRESHMEN. Read: we’re seniors now. SENIORS. I’m over it. He’s over it [this is an assumption based on empirical evidence].  That should be enough, but nooooo.  When will everyone else get over it?
• Do I owe everyone an explanation?  How many people know about what happened anyway? Am I going to be forever known as the-girl-who-turned-down-*toot*?  And does that make him the-boy-who-got-turned-down-by-the-girl-who-turned-down-*toot*?  Will this continue to haunt me even after I graduate?

It was all I thought about as I waited for my class to start.

Then, something hit me.

WHAT HIT ME: Indignation

“Maganda ba siya?”

[Cue echo: "maganda-ba-siya-siya-siya-siyaaaaa"]

Exsqueeze me?

“Maganda ba siya?”

Does it matter?

Out of all the questions in the world, it had to be that.  Not “does she have a nice voice / are her jokes any good / how does she like her coffee / does her music suck / what’s her motto in life” but that: is she pretty.

Like it’s all that really matters.  All everything boils down to.

We all know that it’s not.

…

It’s not.

Back in high school, when my long-term crush got himself a girlfriend, I was devastated [not really, just a little sad] not because he was off the market, but because the girl wasn’t much to look at.  Therefore, and I conclude… that it wasn’t just physical attraction, but something deeper.  What made me sad was the fact that I couldn’t compete with “something deeper”. Boohoo. [This is where you go: "awwww"]

And yes, I do believe that what I shared with that boy was “something deeper”.

So there.

You’ve just witnessed how slow my thought processes are [i.e. how it takes fifteen minutes for smugness to evolve into pissed].

The end.

*  *  *

I wish we’d stop equating a person’s worth with his/her physical appearance.

I wish I could go out sporting unflattering clothes and oily hair and still find someone [read: not some random creep] who’d gladly ask for my number.

I wish there was a way for people to see how everyone is inside [guts and all - bwahaha].

I wish there were more people who would listen to what you have to say instead of focusing on that huge zit on your nose.

I wish that the next time someone asks about me, instead of giving me the hot-or-not test, they’d ask for… my favorite color.  XD

Which is orange.  Just in case you wanted to know.

*  *  *

What are TRUTH THURSDAYS?

My sister’s writer-friend/twin started it.  Click here if you want to join in the fun, or if you’re just curious.

Last night, I dreamt of my graduation.

It was a disaster.

See, all the girls were supposed to be wearing the same thing. I had the right skirt, but for some reason I didn’t get the top.  Dunno why, I just remember something about the people organizing the event being incompetent or something.

So there I was crying in my changing room [yes I had my own changing room], in my underwear, screaming, “I can’t go out like this! I caaaaan’t!” Then I engaged in heated word battle with the guy in charge of my wardrobe, going on about how I paid the graduation fees early and how it didn’t make sense that I didn’t have my clothes etc. atbp. usw…

Then my crush walks in.

He was dressed in a red long-sleeved shirt and a Shohoku[?] basketball jersey. [Yes, I know, he was dressed like a 1995 Backstreet Boy.] And all he said was, “Oh, hi there.” Then he gave me a high five and left. [Which is actually what he would probably do in real life, except he'd probably laugh first if he walked in on me changing. Haha how sad my life.]

I woke up.

Then I thought, “Man, that was weird… I gotta blog it.”

So.

Here I am again.

*awkward silence*

I’m sorry for leaving you. T_T

[BGmusic: Please Forgive Me - Bryan Adams]

Please forgive me, I can’t stop loving you.

*kiss*